Udder Disappointment...

After the Cash Cow I thunk it was appropriate, so here are some things disappointing...

1. the quality of a potential barn burner image(ultimate team). I have come to the realization that a camera phone is just not good enough for the pixel fiend...

2. when I eat, I want to eat more, but I dont, and thats sad...

3. that I dont have a sailboat with an orange hull...

4. that people in the money dont want get out of it and give it to me, Im working on that...

5. that I dont have anything for number 6...

*So I have the turkish blue yellow striped jersey, and Im tired, and I want to be emancipated to a place with beer (this is maybe half of the players)*

Cash Cow...

After two days of gastrointestinal distress, my symptoms of avian influenza are simmering away. Athough I did enjoy the extended couch time.

I still want that sailboat(orange hull)...

I dont like shaving...

Im thinking about having a crossdressing party this weekend...

Coffee is good(god)...

The sandstorm has abated for the time being...

All of this has nothing to do with cows or cash...

Clarification....

To Mr. Anonymous,

I know who you are. There is a handy little box called "other" where you can insert a pseudonym for yourself, or maybe the real thing. If you dont think thats too incriminating...Mwaahaahaa.!!!

Secondly, I did walk the whole thing. The camels are for the two months of food that they brought. And our stuff of course. I forgot to put this on the last post so I put it here: Sinai High Mtns map. Keep in mind this is super low res compared to the terabyte original... Im not good at managing space with Illustrator yet...Enjoy.

REWIND....

Lets take things back a little bit, to the time around christmas break. I took some extensive time off and toured the country and hiked across the sinai penninsula. I now have photos to prove it, and a map of the trail, so take a gander.

Theres nothing quite like a cuppa in the morning after summitting the highest point in Egypt. I have this snobby coffee obsession so I brought my awesome espresso jobbie from canada and hooked it up every morning to everyones delight. Later, I would soon find out that the smell coming from kitchen was the death of the mentioned coffee delight, as it melted on the stove. Molten aluminum is neat I guess?

Our resident camel support team and their recycled home, courtesy Peugeot. As well I have never met a group of people that smoke that much. They even had some crappy marijuana and the old guy puffed it like it was going outta style. In the front there is "Smiley", the psycho agent with the group who was there to make sure we werent with the government to rat out the herb fields, which were a plenty.

I mean really, how hard is it to sit on a camel and get high while wandering through the Sinai for 40 years... that was Moses, I think he was on to something.

Invasion of the Not-so-killer Nannies...PART 4...

While in Leb there is was a strange anomaly that had occurred. At one point in time, for example, at the Intercontinental on the slopes, I was puffing a rediculous $12 sheesha and sipping a beer and observing all these little Vietnamese ladies. Well, theyre actually Phillipinos, and theyre all nannies. Unbeknownst to me, Phillipinos are the best imported nanny that your time can buy.

Later, in Beruith, and stuffing my face with pasta, I looked around and it was family day. That means that mom and dad walk around and discuss political tactics and the kid(s) trail behind eating stuff off the street and falling over and pretnding to cry until they see that new peice of rusty cable to stick in their mouths... only to be saved by the infamous Phillipino Nanny. She has the classy attire that the family wears like the leather jacket and expensive pants, and does the job of a construction cleanup crew and mother of twelve at the same time.

In fifteen minutes we counted over 23 unique nannies that walked infront of our resturant in tow with stupid toys and fat kids on a leash. In total I reckon there were at least 250 that we saw.

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So I have decided that I want a Filipino nanny. Maybe two. I havent peed in diapers for at least 6 months and am fairly potty trained. I have plastic toys that I dont want to play with that we can bring to dinner. And she can wear Carharts and deliver beer and load the sheesha and learn great jokes like "whats brown and sticky?" She can update me of new Strongbad Emails.

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Also in Leb, I totally fell in the biggest puddle on the walk home from the slopes. I was trying to walk in the slush island on the side and slipped and barrel rolled through the wetness covering myself in filthy mudness and filling up my left glove with goo sampled from the moisture reserve. After testing and analysis, we detirmined that the collected goo came from a puddle just east of the slopes and that the glove in question was, indeed, moistificated.

I also found Naty Dawg stealing drinks....

Update: Avian Influenza

News update: "Someone threw sick chickens infected with bird flu in the Nile...dont drink your tap water or shower for at least five hours"

Our response: "You have got to be kidding, nothing can live in Nile except for it own vile toxicity... and maybe those 'snail egg skin worms' (gross), I heard about that guy that went swimming...ahhh!"

US Embassy response: "Whatever...you're fine"

--- ---

Local News (as in very local, like my building): "theres a strange rumbling...like a helicopter is test landing on the roof... and its disturbing my work" --said current resident Dr. Keith when questioned about the productivity of the inhouse coffee maker and its relative correlations to ward off sleep deprived muscle spasms and wandering thought processes...

The Infamous Goggle Tan...PART 3...

I finally got my acheivement or some proof of it. The bozone goggle tan has blessed my face with its defining features: huge coon eyes. A relative of the sunglass tan, that is most noticeable where the arms squeeze your face on their way to your ears, and leave the distinguishing white line on a landscapers dirty sunburnt/overtanned face. In a matter of two days on the slopes I was glistening with sweat and burning like a baked potato in the sun. (we had peanuts that looked identical to mini spuds) Hence the white eyes and red neck and nose.

Linn Corter and I teamed up to show the Lebanese how to get really tired really quick. You know she squeals when the snow gets deep?! Ha. "Who has two thumbs and likes _____, this guy!"

Infact, on that very lift ride, we were talking about how good the snow was. "If it gets any more orgasmic, Im gonna need a smoke afterward. Then I'll be ready for another go once I get ontop again!" That kinda talk makes me thirsty. That be naughty.

The Nature of...PART 2...

What is 3 meters? Well after I consult the calculator thingie, 1 meter is aprox. 3.28 feet of the deep fluffiness. But who knows, really? Afterall I couldnt find an actual snow report for anything in the area, and the liftees need some manners, or less cigarettes, or something.

This here is a view from the top of the "place a desciptive word here" Domaine. My arabic sucks, but my french is worse, and all this right after I learned spanish... There are 3 Domaines and a total of 15 or more lifts. Theyre everywhere. And you can see the Med! The map here shows less than what is really there. And they dont have black runs, but red. Can you imagine the awesome open glade powder turns. What a turn-on!!

There was actually a couple places where the lifts had to be dug out and the top of the snow was higher than the chair... and these low lying areas give the perfect opportunity to donate some powder to the faces of the unexpecting. That was fun. And everybody stuck to the groomers, so its kinda the exact opposite of Bridger Bowl. I had all day to write my signature...

...and I spell it, N, E, S, C, A, F, E....

Whillist in Thy Nature...

As I look down apon thee with exaustion, two things cross my feeble mind: Food and Sex. This really must be heaven? I mean, three years strangling on the outskirts nowhere, not even close to salty peaks, and I am delivered to this joyous refuge in the coastal Middle East...WOW, this really is a sensual experience. And a meter of the freshie face shots make me hungry.


Keep in touch all this week for a centerfold of Lebanon's luscious and luxurious layaway that will make some folks start looking for tickets for next Feb...

Screw Driver...

There is a screw loose, and it must be fixed...

Meanwhile, here, I finally fixed the door knob that I took off to fix that I put back on and then it fell off again. I dont think that makes any sense?

I have blackmail photos of Dr. Lynn dancing after the big game... use them for whatever you want.!!

This weekend Im going skiing, finally. Its been over three years of mourning and pain not caused from drinking. I get to go here and stomp out the fields:

...Oh, and the web cam for Faraya is caked in snow... I hope its good!! I might not come back, but I am planning on moving there, maybe, and there are four good rivers for rafting..Muwaaha ha ha!!!!

Happy VD!!!

Ha...Im just kidding. I meant Valentines Day. Have it good. Have it happy!

Stay schnazzy, Montreal!!

Cool new Features...

I got a cool new Webcounter, and it virtually put itself on the site. I like that kind of functionality. You can see it if you scroll down to the very bottom of the main page, and scribbitt! there it is. A number. I was Number 1. Today it was 17. Thats neato! If you want one go here.

Deep in the Jungle...

Im just kidding. Theres no jungle here 'cept for the urban one.

I want to illustrate the downcomings of mankind, ie, the idea of having a great time and the makings of a hangover:

1. You will need a fierce tollerance for pain
2. A plan
3. Some friends
4. A birthday
5. Alcohol

So as soon as you have reached stage 5 the previous elements no longer matter, kinda:

The pain is dissolved by the drink. The plan is undermined by friends and drink and song. Nobody remembers how they got there or whos birthday it is or what happened to the hundreds of pounds that were in your pocket. What the hell are they talking about? Infact who are those people? Where am I? I think I know you, right?

And then you wake up... You wish you hadn't. Death seesm like a viable option...
So somehow, and I dont know why this is possible or why humans like gross food after the hurt but we got a big dose of McDonalds...delivered!!! I mean WTF?

I totally forgot that Egypt had won the Africa Cup of Nations last night. Oh? Only after sudden death... till the penalty shots. We rock.

Ouch. This is what I felt like...

Survey Says....

What would you think if I started adding a link at the end of each blog entry to really mystify the masses? Woulf they go for it? Would wars break out on Mars? Would I get the last bite of my chessy sandwich?

Just so you know Im making the green chile cheesy cassarole tomorrow or night, I guess it depend what I want to witness eating twice before I go to Guy's birthday bash extravaganza!!

Becasue I can, Im including an image...of veal. I had no idea these cows were alive and then they started twitching noses and ears and trying to move but didnt have any strength. And theyre big too, and from when we were right near the back you could see where they were bound from walking. What a dumb concept.

So I just noticed theres a new Strongbad...IT will be great!!

Magic carpet ride?...I dont think so..

So the motorcycles here are nothing short of amazing. It must be magic that holds them together, because I know for a fact that bailing wire doesnt work so good, and I dont think they have that sorta stuff anyway. But the master mechanics they are, they still havent figured out that air cleaners are supposed to be on all the time, and maybe thats why you have piston ring burning oil problems...

So I found these gems, for everyone to enjoy.

I dont reckon that the side car is very forgiving. Those that have seen the Garden State, know that the kid in there got tossed.

Mmm...Coffee....

Hot to Trot...

Its great, and awesome....

Egypt has won another round, and advance to the finals of the Africa Cup! But theres a something stinky lurking in the shadows.

We gathered a group and headed over to Seqouia for beers, sheesha and the game and got a free gift while we were there. First of all I need to mention that the bastard that said he would put more fire on my pipe never did for at least an hour. The infamous Dr Lynn then grabbed the guy and forced him, which was well worth the wait.

As well the big screen in the back fell down twice after someone got excited, which then turned into a glass flinging, punching screaming brawl. It was funny to see all the fragile females escort their way out before it got too bad. Upon Guy's arrival, he saw the felines in a cat fight outside. Wish I saw it.

Then in the last 10 min the star pro player was pulled out by the coach... Mido was pissed and the game tied 1-1. On the sidelines he bitched and moaned and Hassan had to pull him off the coach physically. Then, less than a minute after the switch, the replacement, Zaki, touched the ball and put in the goal. 2-1! Now the pro dickhead cant even play in the finals becasue hes such a baby. Wahhaa.

Were trying to get tickets now for the finals which wont happen, but is worth the try. But we have reservations now for Seqouia again, and maybe a another round of comedy as we watch Masr and Cote D' Ivoire battle it out....again!

And like any good search on Google, I found a pair of something interesting. I need to play in THAT league! Two pairs to be exact...

Keep it Real, Houston....

Back in the daze...

I totally forgot, and have never showed many this image, but I used to live in this very house. No walls, sweeta roof, mold and mildew...

With 2-3 meters of mud and stones. The roof is on the ground now, though nothing has moved.

Before and After

Slap Happy Snappy...

I have no idea what I was going to say. The page opened, I started going for the keys....then, nothing. So a little filler for the masses. The weekly, bimonthly, and subannual updates:

The Masr's Status in the Arfica Cup, just accelerated forward, and everyone is excited. This all happened after a great Ultimate game in the park. Rerealizing the blisters, big smile, quads and hamstrings burning, Jenny and I hammer a beer and head for the Cafe for the game of Egypt vs. Congo. And holy shit was it awesome. The whole game had a total of 5 scores and Egypt put em all in. Unfortunately one was in our own goal, but when youre on a roll, youre on a roll.!!



Dr Lynn was actually at the game, which I forepassed in high hopes of a frisbee match, which I got.

Next is the ferry that sunk off the Saudi coast with 1400 egyptians on board. 300 lived. Lesson: dont buy that boat. It doesnt float so well...ever, as other countries were selling them because of that reason right there.

Diving on the Red Sea was great fun, and this was the liveaboard that was a large part of the happiness. I love the Thistlegorm!

When you hike in the Desert and theres mountains, you should climb them, then wash your hair:

This was Umm Shaumar, a spectacular event.

If you havent noticed, this is sorta going in reverse non-dated unchronological anti-order. Im not British.

I cut the living shit out of my big toe in a taxi today. And last night the discovery I was hoping would never surface, surfaced: I have a pinky toe nail that is full size. Actually these things come in pairs. "Full Size" meaning that its the same as my fingernail. Most people I have noticed have the darwin toenail, thats disappearing because of the entire lack of use it presents. Well, folks, mine gets used a plenty, so watch out!!

I dream of whitewater and "Murder She Wrote" and flying for some odd reason, and Im good at it. So thats a little comforting....

Work Work Work....

This is me and who I work for, just in case you wondered.... click here



Its fairly obvious, but Im THE American, yeah, one of two white guys. Im sure you can figure it out. I live at the bottom of the page, right where I belong.

And a cool addition is a Background that Ahmed made for me... You can click on and save it if your heart desires?