Lil Puppers....

At last, yet nameless. 3 days now and counting. She needs a name....

The Guard:


The Destoyer:


The Fattest:


Shes a mix of Australian/German sherherd, Blue Heeler, and something else. And shes got the worst gas bombs rivaling mine when I was a wee little lad.

The Land of Defense....

So I just got back from a 10 day surveying stint in West Tejas. I can say that I like that part of Texas considerably more, although. Altogether the nature is out to get ya. So is the alarm clock. Every cactus is bigger and pointier. the Sotals are sharper. The fire ants and wasps want to kick your ass. Tires beware.

I dont think Ive ever seen a Orange Rattlesnake before here. But the Mexicanos are indeed crazy, and they have some of these mystery skills. Skills like hitting a big venomous snake right behind the head with a stick will disorient them and you can then pick em up and such. This is why this particular 4 footer became orange. As a warning to other surveyors, "big snake here".

There was and is always some kind of weird intrafamilial feuding. Like the kid whos step father is 6 years older than himself. The cheating and drinking. I get to watch while drinking my beer on the tailgate. I soon retire to my extremely humble abode only to awake the next morning face down fully clothed and drooling just like it ended the night before. Still exhausted and extremely thirsty.

meandering through the prickly pear I learned lots. those spines are super long and stick into your pants. About ten time per day I would stop and itch my leg to find that there are about ten of these spines in my shin. You cant feel them go in but you sure as hell can feel them come out. Especially if you dont break or cut them first bc theyre vacuumed in.

Theres also some big Elk and Deer down there, but theyre not orange.

Yeasty, eh?....

So the time has come to build fires for the sole purpose of ballyhooing the risen loaf. As I did last night. It works. And frankly, the weather here is perfect: Cool and Sunny. So with the windows wide and the kitchen brisk its a bit hard to get a loaf on the rise.


Needless to say the glop in the cavity that should be occupied by brain has ceased and desist. This is good. Bc after the sessions of nasal douching I reckon that the post kayak nose flash floodings are better to be gone. "Hi, Im glurp" as a stream of stream water waters out my schnauz. So let me show you how it works....

1. Mix warm water and a small tablespoon of salt. Drink through the nose.


2. Keep drinking through the nose untill sufficient amount able to be spit out of mouth. Make facial expression here.


3. Continue until all water mix is gone and repeat if necessary. If the mix burns, it is either too hot or too much salt. The perfect mix is almost undetectable bc it matches the salinity and temperature of your body.

Was this helpful?

Growth and Supplementation....

More and more. This has to one of the larger piles I have made in a long time, though Jason's pile was nice and quickly consumed.

Stoopid Shrimp....

Theyre so hard to photograph. But extremely cool and only $.25.

Hes right in the middle. Obviously hes clear, so you get to watch the food digest, or travel through the system. Neat.
Does anyone know if Toyota and Nissan six bolt rims are interchangeable? They seem to fit. I know Chevy and Nissan are the same.

Introducing the Rio Grande....

First, let me get some coffee.

Coffee, check. Shorts, check.

Yesterday and the day before I went kayaking, trying out my new purchase. Sweetness. I cant explain the joy I experience when I get back on the river. And the Rio Grande is very much like the Stillwater but its a little bit more technical with what seems to be extreme consequences. From the stories it sounds like people fall out of the boat with multiplicity and theres a camera shack for the photographers to shoot every single raft biting the dust. Apparently not many make it though. Pretty cool shite.

I cut the logs. Thats it. They reside in the same places. With a real chainsaw they only took 45 min to cut. Must upgrade. Must get job. Must not work at Hardees.

On the bright side, the Nissan isnt fixing itself as I trained it yet, but it hasnt run away either so thats good. I like how you have to hot wire it, and its really fucking loud. I mean to the earsplitting range, especially when you goose it. I guess thats what exhaust manifolds are for. hmmm.

So for today I have ....uh, nothing. I could go take Brians Yz for a spin. MAybe bake some bread. I could try and drill out some bolts on the Nissan. MTB ride anyone? Apply for more jobs....nah. I could cover myself in butter and run around this ultra conservative neighborhood naked. Speaking of, I wonder how we havent gotten kicked out yet? I mean Im always naked. Too many cars in the drive for a family of 14. Logs strewn everywhere and the naked chainsaw guy cussing and spilling fuel. Lots of big fires in the back porch. The 3 super loud motorcycles tearing up and down the road. I mean regular white trash. I speak for myself only.

Enjoying mechanics was my greatest downfall. Enjoying beer is right up there too. So now I see a Piece of Shit and say "I bet I could fix that up nice" or "I can make it run", add the beer part and I actually believe myself. The plans for the Nissan include a front end removal of sorts. I think the fenders should go away to make way for the 32s that will someday appear there. Doors? who needs em? Carpet B Gone, thanks to the mouse poo in every single imaginable location. Brakes? Questionable. The shifter comes completely off if you lift. I think the thing is a real winner. But it really needs a name. So if you want to come over and go for a spin in a couple weeks and help me name it, then so be it. It may be the first and last ride.

Big Wood....

That was the title to my Senior paper in surface water resources. I was about large woody debris. ahh the memories....

But to relieve my fatness I have taken to the axe. Much fatness has left my self and the future looks bright. Not that I was that fat before. But theres nothing better than the day after cussing out the chainsaw, beginning the new day with a coffee and swing of the splitter and some sun on my back. The tan renews itself and wood pile engorges itself with more bits. This is good as Im only 1/3 the way done. Yet the pile aggrandizes:


To answer some Q's:
-The cabinets are for the garage that will become a new living room with kitchenette.
-Thanks Jason for the psychological saw support
-The wood came from the trees in the forest
-08 Xmas eh? My mental capacities limit me to tomorrows activities

Ferrous....

So I wasnt into comics very long but there was one that caught my attention. Ironman. And now theyre making a movie and it looks so sweet that I dont know if I can hold it till May. Damn.

700 Club....

This must be the most retarded show on TV ever. Although the guy is funny to look at, so hes got that going for him. I love how people use religion to make a shit load of money for themselves and make fools of other people. Hmpf....


Anyway, the status of the wood pile is negotiable, its looks smaller even though it has more wood bits in it. I guess this is one way to get in shape. Chop and coffee, chop and coffee.

As well, Judge Hatchett is also really dumb. Paternity tests? Really?

What Happened?...

The keyboard is a mess. The front "yard" is strewn with logs. The Chainsaw doesnt like me. Manders is under the weather. TV sucks, but thats nothing new. And then theres the Pathfinder. The gem of a rust-nugget. Potential at its worst.

As well theres the Federal application process. A quirky, pile of shit. Nothing less expected from all the taxpayer money that is provided. I applied for a couple positions today. Im sure itll never happen.

The excitement of family backed weeks followed by more friends and family has come to an ever unexpected end. The gas and oil mix put to rest. The lifting of heavy logs is far from over. The Lincoln is back in Lincoln. But there is much to do yet...
So needless to say, theres gonna be plenty of fires to be had. Plenty of soot to distribute above the fireplace. Yes! Oh and plenty of cupboards to put somewhere....
And then theres the time that Tauntaun caught the best chew toy ever. It Looked like this:

Initialize - 3,2,1,Go!!....

My first ever post on a personals site. How Fun?

You Got Pwned, Bit'th....

If you dont know the origin of Bit'th, I shall elucidate : There once was this loading dock by the tracks in Bozeman. One this loading dock was some graffiti where some idiot was spraying out naughty words and misspelled "bitch". Every time we drove by it after a hard day of skiing you would almost lose your toast laughing so hard.

To the Pwnage: About a week ago or more I was sitting on the back porch with my mom drinking wine and watching the field mice hop on the wall through the vines. Cute, big ears, diseased. Needless to say, mom freaked out. Since then there has been little poison traps all over. And, ever since, there has been a growing number of pwned mice. One was in the house somewhere, so it probably died in the couch or something? Yuck.

Allow me to Document...

#1 This little fucker died trying to get out of the garage via a corner hole or something. He died vertically stuck in the hole though has since fallen over. Kinda looks like two of em now.


#2 Found him in the vines, tossed em over the wall.


#3 The super teeny. I think I stepped on this one 4 times before I noticed. About the size of a quarter.


#4 Another one in the vines. He didnt make it too far from the poison.


#5 Toasted in plain site. He resides under the glass table. Still. A message to all the other mouse, "youre not welcome here."


#6 The Elusive. When cleaning the garage I moved all that scrap lumber out to sweep. Discovery. While beefing up the crappy TV stand for a fish tank with said lumber I found this fatty.




Btw.... I have personally redefined the word "mouse" as being either singular OR plural, because it sounds better that way. Like "deer" or "fish" only better.

Recognise, Bit'th!!!....

I was following some links this morning as I was drinking my coffee, walking around naked, and pretty much slacking off. I have always thought that I had a good visual memory and it turns out I was right. See if you can beat me:

Faces: 86% Correct, 52nd Percentile
Objects: 96% Correct, 86th Percentile
Verbal: 100% Correct, 93rd Percentile

Czech it: Visual Recognition

Notice: Im back in action, so czech back for more fuxored shite.

Note to Self: Marias New Mexican Kitchen is by definition the "Destroyer". Never again will I have more than one margarita there. Its not like theyre huge or anything, and I could hold myself better if it was just a glass of tequila, but these are unreal. Be Warned.

Boats, Bleeds, and Bling....

Note: I was just listening to the radio and an answer Miss South Carolina "like such as" just made in the beauty competition. OMG. Awesome. She better be super hot, cuz shes lacking a couple french fries from her happy meal. Wow.

Anywho, I gots pics. Heres the boats in a menagerie of color yellow. Along with said helmet of color yellow. As well a misuse of said word begining in 'm', yet I had no other options as the word is too cool.
Then we have a serious case of caustic fun, an event that erupted last night during the most fantastic sunset EVER! The event was a masterpiece of bleeding brakes. An incident that I have only witnessed melting sunglasses and cussing Garretts before now. Luckily Amanda was quick on the lever and smooth on the action so no person was frenoed in the eye or the $100 jeans which fail to appear in the wardrobe. Man that stuff is gross when its old.



And I bought that damn waterproof phone....
And thats it. Im hungry.

Want vs. Need....

I suckered myself into buying a new boat. Dammit. I got meself a nice Liquid Logic Huck creek boat. Then, after arriving in Santa Fe and examining my lack of funds from the quadruple drive between MT and NM, I went and bought a new phone. Luckily though it wont break and is waterproof. Just what I needed (wanted).

I am currently accepting funds from all peoples everywhere, in hopes that I wont have to get a jobby job and go play more. I am also accepting donations of working 42" Hp Designjet Plotters. Other things on the list of acceptance are:
- Kegerator
- Bike stand
- Corporate Gas/ Credit Cards
- Fun Jobs that pay exponentially more than they should
- Break-down kayak paddle
- Lunch/Dinner
- Ingredients for Margaritas

PS: Jason, sorry I didnt stop by on the way through Trinidad, but after the speeding warning from Trooper Boepple in the construction cone zone at 10pm, I decided to keep pushing on behind Amandas too efficient Doobaru. Besides I had already delivered the 2 Yamahas southbound.

Weather = Beautiful

Time = Kayaking

Next time: Rio Grande rock shots....

From the Summer Earlier....

So Im poking around in my imagery looking for things to DELETE and shazammm!!! I found a pile of gems that Id like to share. Some real fond moments.

Like this one here is of Brian, Garrett and I, where I am humping G's leg. I love inappropriate moments like this.
This heres a view of the Beartooth Drop before the Vortex developed earlier this spring. I must admit that the vortex kinda made low water bearable and exciting due to the random nature of paddler departure.

I have more but I just found the shisha in the garage, so its time for a little Egyptian time, of deep thought and beaujolais....

To Be Continued....

Invisible....

I saw this and just had to put it on.

But fact of the matter is that us rafters are unable to go the Salmon in a week bc of the smoke from the forest fires. Sad. *tear*tear*

This here now is a little ditty on Amanda "The Discerning":

1. Shes never been to the Beartooths, until 5 weeks ago?

2. Her brother Dillon is hillarious when he doesnt know youre taking a pic

3. Dental work on the front tooth after being kicked in the face bc you were surfing the Beartooth Drop at high water and then hit the bridge pillar is painful and expensive

4. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear


The sun is hot. Too hot infact for a penguin. But here I sit in the cool shade awaiting the time to grasp a freakin cold bottle of Dos Equis, squeeze the lemon, and partake. Santa Fe is awesome. Im moving here matter of fact. Actually Im already here. But I must go back to MT for the lack of river trip and snatch up my bikes, motorized and non, and then trek it all the way back down with Amanders.

Now that I can take some time off from the life unaffixed, there will be more blogging, and updating, and pics of things less seen. Like the bees outside my window have this big red splotch on em. someone told me it was pollen. I believe them not. I think its a shoe.

The Summer of....

Thanks to somebody for ending the summer. It was too hot, too long, too ugh. I had a ton of fun but my little big squeeze was too far away. Tourists suck. I think clsoe to 8 people that were collective freinds of the guides at the shop died this summer. And one almost died on my boat the other day. Enough.
So the Manders and I move on south to Santa Fe not before a stint on the Salmon River for a couple of days. Note to all, I will be naked most of the time, unless you find me one of those tutu pink ballerina outfits. I think we can call that a moose knuckle fo sho!!
So Ive been completely out of touch and brain boiled in the sun. No beer cold enough to quench my desire. I dont really shower. But I do rinse twice a day! Thats got to count for something!! So now that I have time and internet Im gonna do some more posts and catch up on the summer lost. I have pics for all!

And the coolest thing to happen was this morning, hiking up 13,200 ft to participate in my cousin Dan's marraige. We left at midnight and summited before 5am to see the sunrise!! Life is fantastic.

Time....

Its about time....dammit!

Ads....

Dont be confused, because yes, I have added a little ad banner at the top of the page. Be advised it is not a post.

Pluggin On By....

I enjoy the random pic from my collection of schmegma, so I shall share....
If you know what happened here you should share with us all.

Picket Pin

So theres this place by Nye called Picket Pin. I fricken love it form dirt biking so i decided to wander up there and camp and shoot some flowers and blow some rounds off the .22. Needless to say Murphy's Law was present and all the snow that wasnt there the lat time WAS this time and I got drifted out right near the top of the ridge. But I still got some sweet pics with no names:
So there I was waking in the morning sunlight, completely soaked from the snow that was rain just a couple feet below. Summer in the mountains is awesome!!

Sleeping: Bag vs. Bed... (EDIT)

So there I was sleeping at the raft shop...on the bottom of an Aire, completely comfortable. Tired after rafting and the BBQ I brought a book and was thinking about reading it but instead I thought about the two variances that I have slept on through life, recent life that is.

After College the only place considered a bed happened to belong to a significant other. Most of the time though I have spent in the tunnel and shelter of my plethora of sleeping bags. Allow me to reiterate:

There were always the Coleman Bags that were cold and wet and HUGE. Those dont count. Not even a little bit. Those were the same bags the averted my folks from camping proper, and actually enjoying it.

Then I got that blue bag named after an elk or something from the Mooses Tooth. That thing rocked. It was synthetic and actually kept its warmth when wet, as I tested it in the winter trips. It perished that fateful day we burnt the boy scout cabin down. Precisely, it melted.

Then I got a Marmot Synthetic bag to replace it with. It rocked. I slept in it so much it lost every quality that made it look like a sleeping bag. And something was missing, so I sent it back and sent me a new one, free, and I still love its bluish grey bombness. The snugglemeister. The cool bit is that I got a long one so that you can stuff your clothes in the foot and keep em warm.

Somewhere in there I got the down Mountain Hardwear bag. The ultimate in abslute warmth and soft lightness, yet not tollerant of moisture. This is the one I have now. I think in the last 6 years I may have out grown it, OR it needs a major laundering. The cool part about this one is the built in pocket with a mosquito head net. That thing saved my bloood on the picnic table up in the Tobacco Roots at the No Tell Hotel. I remember the mosquitos being worse than the B52s up in Canada during the canoe trips. Thats the night I learned how Moths were trying to save my life and consumed millions of the blood thirsty suckers.

Then Garrett passed me on the Double Coleman. This one counts. I mistakenly left it in NM, but being a river rat with a van down by the river I feel that the necessity to be roomy was optimal. Infact, I have never slept warmly with so much room ever! But the thing was Gigantic, so I gave it its own compartmant in the Toaster Vans quarters. Im pretty sure Amanda likes it. She probably likes it more than me. As well its great for hiding things out of sight. Its large enough to cover 4 kayaks, 30 cases of beer, two dogs, the entire inside of the van, one motorcycle, fishing equipment, and the sun from hitting my face. If I could find one in sweet down and cheap, yeah, thatd be good. Real good.

As for beds, the one in the basement apartment in Bozeman was scary, moreso the actual apartment. The one in Santa Fe is great but lonely. The one in Spokanistan needs rails to keep me from rolling off it in mid slumber. And the futon in Red Lodge has kept me alive for a couple years. I dont think I could have made it without Cooper spooning me awake, but the ass to the face part I'll try and pass on from here on out...

EDIT: There are some major beds that I forgot to mention in some far out places around the world. Let me begin in Nebraska... The waterbed that I blew a hole in with schrapnel from that Belgian AntiAircraft round, I should be blind and seasick... The guest room bed was a trampoline that was always inviting injury. The Bunkbed that I jumped off to smash the light with my head and rolled off of on a weekly basis, always interesting.

Then theres the Rafiki mattress and mosquito net contraption. Painful and hot and sweaty. I remember waking up and pulling a pair of shorts on with a mother scorpion in em = a ballsy experience. Costa Rica was never dull, like sleeping through giant earthquakes, and floating through dreams during torrential downpours. Always tired.

The bed in Cairo was a nice home away from home. Although it seemed that I could never find the right climate controlling blanket. It was also magnetic, so much that I found it hard to get out of in the mornings until a funk drifted awry and warned me it was time to get up and go and get covered in diesel exhaust. I saw a lot of four posters here... and dust from the sandstorms!!

Verdict: The Double Bag on a Raft
(EDIT: Make sure to release the air on the thwarts or
something similar to a broken back will ensue, with lots of drool)

I like the Random Pic....

....Like I said:

Dawn of a New Age....

The time has come when the toaster van has been unofficially retired. The time has also come for spring and whitewater and me to hide from real work opprotunities. Although I found one in Eldo down in Santa Fe, so thats nice I hope.

Meanwhile Ive been travelling and getting lost in fits of joy and rage at the prices of gas (not really, I care not even a little bit, strangely enough) and picked up Brians "old" Toyota as he upgraded to the "new" Tacoma in exchange for the sweet yz426 I picked up a month ago. Im super excited for the new ride, with manual trans, new BFGs and 4x4 qualities exceeding that of the toaster's.

Brian and I were talking about a couple things in LA: the "Jason Movie" which should be on YouTube soon!!, and me authoring a book of some sort. So pretty much all I need now is a supporter bc my writing style is only really any good when Im not employed. Ha.
....And yes, that is a Canada Goose in the tree...?