Escapism....

Luckily I didnt go postal, I went to Austin, and it is everything people say it is. And I just found a friend from Santa Fe here on the internet. I hope hes hope hes home. I always crash on that couch. Anywho....I have to attempt a ride in the mud aftermath of a 5in storm and had to come all the way to Austin some 3.5 hours to find out about trails 20min from Weatherturd.

Life be interesting, Im on the Hunt for Mr Bedrosian.

And theres SNL Jeopardy skits on Metacafe!!! I peed may pants this morning.

Suck it Trebek!

Porn.....

I get an allotted amount of time to sit around and dream. My gas costs are paid and I have nowhere to drive. But I still think on two wheels and so 12oz curls. So all I think about is dirty porn. The kind that takes four strokes at a time to burn the weasel. Leaving a trench or a slick and tossing my shoe off at the same time. Bending the butterbars. Keep it forward and aggressive. Just keep dreaming....

Thats the KTM I was talking about. Thats my inner thigh massage. The burning. I still cant believe theres nothing to do here in Weatherturd. I mean for the love of all that holy, this shouldnt even be a resident villa. More of a hole in the ground. A dry hole with an age gap ten years or more on either side of my own. It makes for interesting reading though.

Nothing but Net...

So being here with camera I figured should use it. I found another donut shop in another town with the same sign and now for all to see is the face of burden at work on a good day.

The Hunt for the Damn Donut...

So I went driving around. I was on a fullscale donutshop hunt. And I only found one. Wah? I swear there were like 12 last time I looked.

As well I took that photo and fixed the shadows and sun, but I guess not.

In an effort to become occupied I went and tried enrolling to a GYM. I was scared. I tried going to a gym in Cairo but couldnt really do it more than 5x. In fact I really just want to get in a super strong state of being so that I can kick ass on day one back on the slopes, quite unlike the pain and fatigue of skiing in Lebanon. Yup, that would be good. The trainer lady I talked to did say there was a biker community 7 miles east of here. Really? So Im fixing my ride to go and make a positve showing and kick some roadie ass with a mtb.

Just like my mom and I did, Im doing a serious CSI marathon everyother night. I can pack away about 3-4 of em. Though this last summer I got hooked on some medical show called House, and Im gonna go and buy the season, watch it and send it east, way east.

KTM 450 sx-f ....plan to ride soon. Jasons 8 cooling units....plan to quenched of thirst.

Guess Who....

We have a new menber to the Red Lodge Team, 10-4 Good Buddy!!

Sonya and Garrett have been gifted with a daughter of endless beauty, slobber and hair!!

The combination of two full headed kids becomes them. Awesome. I cant tell but she looks like a curious lass, like one of the all nighters perhaps. Interested in where to drool next....beware. Congrats!!!!!!!!!!1

The Sleeping Monster....

Holy schnikes,

I just slept from 6pm last night to 5am this morning. I guess that dairy queen stuff is heavy. Does anyone want to visit and trash a hotel room with me? Its all paid for. I have a mini fridge.

Ugh.

Weatherturd....

Theres really not much else I can say. Theres still no bars. I found a replacement for entertainment and it comes in the form of Chillis resturant. I thought it would be lame, but I was highly entertained by the Louisiana guy talking about getting drunk in Fort Worth and so on. And I expressly remember asking ot have my salad tossed, I mean, brought out before the meal, of "I didnt know steaks came that small?" So when she brought it afterwards and replied, "oh, I forgot" I chuckled deep inside with a thirst for a taller beer. I bet you didnt know that to drink here you have to fill out paperwork, and get a card, that allows you to do so. Ummm, yeah?


And soon I will document the spatial anomoly of donut shops in town.... Tons of em.

So there I was picking out the goat heads from my tire, still inflated, and there was this biggun. I was quite amazed that I hadnt gotten any flats yet as the tire was covered in em. The epoxy hole patch is still joined to the duct tape and all is good there, but then.... I saw a huge intact goat noggin and pulled only to hear ssssssssssssssshit. Now flat, no tools from Garretts garage, no bike shop in town or the county, or any other bikes for that matter. I was fuct. But this was after the look of shock as I passed the dually diesel death machine going 45mph. I dont think this guy had ever seen a person ACTUALLY pedal a bike before. How odd?

And then, I tried to look for a car adapter for my lappy to no avail. It needs a shoebox sixed power converter to plug into. OMG? But it doesnt mean that the realtime mapping isnt going to happen. Im excited and I left my boots at home. Oooops. In fact I dont know how these guys have ever mapped anything before me and ESRI came along? Its like theve never seen the real deal. I dont get it? I dont care. I have some cousins of anheuser busch here where the can says Texas on the label. Neat.

OK Then...

I just wrote the most amazing entry about my shitty day. And now its gone because I chose to restart the damn lappy.

Anywho this is work and hotel, two of the least interesting places in my life. And Im gonna buy that friggin KTM weatherford you like it or not.



And my neck back leg thing is better. Even the goldfish have expressed their enjoyment of the waffles.

Two Things....

The job is ok. I mean, really, maps have a style and skill to em and it takes more than hitting the goddam print button to make one thats edible. That said, Weatherford Texas is fairly dull apart from my boss, who is absolutely hilarious from my point of view.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I thought you might relish in the tastee pic of the day:

Fire and Water....

So youre looking at Amandas house, in the center of the derby fires wake of destruction. It lived. But just barely. The neighbors house gone. The shed which you can see, gone. The siding, intact. Horseshoes, intact. Birdfeeder, toast. But this is just the begining of rafter chicks I know that are funny...

As I crack another tasty beverage I wander into the depths of thought that bewilder myself on numerous occasions. Daily to be more precise. More like daymares and the like. Por Ejemplo: Sitting in traffic and dreaming of running away from a deer and getting pulverized by it. Actually it all happened underneath. I crawled under this car (now its 3 rafter chicks I know) to get away as it did this marvelous baseball slide under the car and got stuck, freaking out, it proceeds to kick the living shit out of my face and chest, whilist underneath the vehicular unit.

I said "unit"

That comes from a lady that guided this summer with mua and was chased by moose to the top of her car escaping death by millimeters. Shes a good guide too.

Amanda on the other hand had the most hillarious dismount from an inflateable kayak I have ever seen. Amidst the surfing, the duckie catches the foam pile and gravatationaly speeds down the face. Upon impact with the trough, she simply did a butt scoot right out the front of the boat into a massive face plant with the oncoming whitewater. Awesome. Memory stored...

But then theres Cassia. Im in Big Sky and shes serving me breakfast with the other guides. Im hungover and retarded and in poor shape. But I recognise her from somewhere? Where? It turns out that we had michiladas in a crappy hostel in Nicaragua. And so I ask Bob, who was there too, huh? He confirms because he was right next to me. He and the other guides tell me story: She came from guiding on a BIG river and had these awesome skills apparently... What they dont teach you on big rivers is reading currents that are smaller than the gulf stream and... Well her first trip down the Gallatin, in the slow and go, she almost took out a fisherman in the first 15 minutes. I guess she screamed something like heads up and the dude just hopped in the raft and I Quote, "I wanted to go downstream anyway, the fishing right here was slow".

Whoa

Miles Per Gallon...

I dont know where to begin? Lets start with the drive to SF:

45mph, pedal to the metal, dust storm 60 miles away, sucking gas, engine redlined and whining, going downhill. How else do you describe the worst headwind ever? CD skipping. Too hot or too cold. Right ass cheek numb. Bracing the wheel to the right. WTF?

I get to the house and my body is shaking from lack of food and water and stress and BEHOLD!!! I find cookies in the freezer! and beer in the fridge and a cooler full of Old Style thats a year or more old in the garage. WOW. And then I passed out.


Driving into Texas...yeah I said Texas... was unreal. It was like driving into Nebraska but with less cops, more gas stations and way better gas mileage. The van automatically increased a phenomonal 4-5 mpg after crossing the state line. I got an extra 100 miles out of a tank of gas, which is weird, frankly.

What the fuck was I thinking? I brought the mountain bike. I shoulda brought the motorbike! With a gas station every 30 miles its the most moto friendy state Ive been to yet. And actually the people so far are awesome if not completely full of themselves, which is funny in its own way. Not to forget the highest Walmart per square mile density in the US.


The job, the location, the life:
Weatherford, west of Fort Worth. GIS Tech for a shit load of money helping those out of the know get in the know. Oil Exploration. Interesting for about 8.3 minutes. Unless your driving the exploration buggy. So I guess Im living in this dry hole for a month, driving 20 minutes to the next not-dry county for beer, suffering a bike ride to work everyday for 5 minutes. Though, if one were so inclined, one might buy a new car and pay cash. But we all know thats a bad idea. Though a dirt bike is a different story. And....

Suck it Trebek!...

Newwer and Improved...

So a lot of things are changing to the good and the bad and just different. Remember dont put maiyonaise in the toaster.

Last night I got back from Spokompton and Missoula, the race of death if you will. I wondered why the back end of the van felt so slidey as I pumped it up from half pressure...High speed, rain, wilderness to catch on fire when the silver ball of fire shoots into the forest... nevermind.

I got a sweet higher paying job than burgerking doing GIS for oil exploration...in TEXAS....DALLAS, oh shit what have I done. But I talked to a guy at the gas station from there and he said it was alright, so I leave tomorrow. The big remaining question is do I take the Kawasaki that runs or take the Suzuki that doesnt and fix it. I NEED ANSWERS!!! Please consider visiting your friend in beautiful Texas while you can!

Last night I put the new edition diet into effect for the GT, which now has its own special acronynm, Giant Turd. As much as I want it so be that lightweight sub twelve pound crosscountry bitch, it wont, nor handle jumps and drops that way either. So with the new lettuce shedding bladed spoke xride mavics, well, we lost a crappy broken wheel in the back and a heavy DH wheel in the front. I can back pedal and coast and stuff and it works, with no bent axle!!! Yeah

Suck it Trebek

If You Were in Trouble...

If you were deep doodoo and an ambulance showeed up with the jaws of life or a cup of orange juice and I crawled out and came over to help, would you:

1. smile, because you know everything is going to be ok AND funny

2.scream, bc death awaits in the hands of this complete moron

3. pass out, bc high speed bicycle and parked car dodging has to be more fun than a separated shoulder, and try again tomorrow

Fact of the matter is my EMT training started yesterday. In fact my instructor is from Grand Island of all places. I ran. He ran. Escape. He told me some crazy stories though from the christmas season 8 years in a row. Por ejemplo, every year on christmas or the day after, someone walked in front of train in Grand Island. How weird is that. And then it takes like 4 miles for a train to stop. Cleanup, aisle four!!

On yet another tangent I found the rubber grommets for the motorcycle fairing. Sorry dad. And I put the old XR plates on the Kawa bc those plates fell off between REd Lodge and Absarokee. That sucked. I talked to a guy at the shop who said his pipe fell off and he stopped immediately. He looked for three hours and never found it... hes still concerned about how weird that is. But thanks to mom the XR plates are valid for another year and the title is on its way to RL for a permanent reregister.

So if I wasnt legal before, Im definately not still. Murphys Law is something else. The mental psycho double fake is also interesting, as well is just plain lying to ones self.

On the flip side....

We Dont Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn...

So if you havent noticed yet, ye friends and family from far off places, Montana is on fire, and not just a little bit either. I woke this morning to a beautiful clear sky, preparing the neighbors' Vespa for its initial cruise to the DMV for my motorcycle endorsement test. No more that an hour later I surface from the depths and I cant see the benches or the mountains through the wafting haze of campfire. This one is close and its new and its really close, just up the West Fork road about 5 min from here. Montana is fucked. But this is what happens when the natural burn cycle of the forest is suppressed for so long. I hope we can start over.


My friends' homes were there, some still, some no longer. No worries though. We pay too much for insurance for things like this and its only material. Memmories have better color anyway. The point is that no one has been hurt yet and that is awesome. Theres engines and crews from all over the Northwest here to help so I can imagine the bar scene pretty rowdy near the fire camp.



check it out...

http://www.billingsgazette.net/articles/2006/09/06/news/state/20-derby_g.txt

Nothing but Trouble....

Ever wonder why I get in trouble? It all has to do with the little kids and their corruption. I will win and win over and over again. Even the kids without ages dont stand a chance!!









I offer advice for free too.

Kegerator...

So you may have not seen the original but the secondary is standing by. It rock and is actually already finished. So sad. No need for worry because the next awesome tub is on the way!!
If youre confused it because we used the classic trash can and ice and a CO2 cylinder with a bike stand holding the tap. I cant imagine a sweeter setup. Notice the $12000 of bike is the background, that's priorities!!

Happy Labor Day!!

Succumbing to Gravity...

Just a little teaser from the DH race Garrett forced me to do. Scared with poopy in my pants. But at least I look good! And I won my division! bc I was the only one in it...

dont worry theres more to come...

1996...

This may be the funniest website from the 90s ever. Keep an eye out for the wizard on the bicycle...

http://web.archive.org/web/19961109092233/http:/www.lego.com/

Line Creek Ride...

You cant see the trail because there isnt one...

With mountain biking being so awesome in the area, we decided to take an epic ride up on the beartooth plateau. I cant explain the ass jarring, hand numbing, suspension breaking wonder this really was. The views were awesome, there was no trail on the top and so everyone just wanders the 10 miles across the top of the major pain in the ass to the sweet downhill. I remember feeling that the rear shock was getting pretty hot and I couldnt feel my hands.
this cant be good for my prostate.

Its so hot out that I dont think glass of milk was good idea. Mix in some dehydration and half banana, which will soon find itself one of my worst decisions on big bike rides in the near future. Luckily the lightning didnt kill us and rain was curt. The horses didnt buck us and the singletrack stayed connected to the super exposed downhill. Then the trail weaved into the trees and became dreamy and fast. Garrett cuts corners, Jason hits Garrett, and Amy just falls off the trail. I maintain a subtle brake squeeze and wear the pads down. I smile.

Shit...

I just wrote a HUGE update to the blog and my lappy restarted itself. Or retarded itself.

too bad.

Ill do it later

meanwhile...

had I bought that camera I could have been making photos like this... but I think Id rather spend it on a new motorcycle now...