Two Things....

The job is ok. I mean, really, maps have a style and skill to em and it takes more than hitting the goddam print button to make one thats edible. That said, Weatherford Texas is fairly dull apart from my boss, who is absolutely hilarious from my point of view.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I thought you might relish in the tastee pic of the day:

Fire and Water....

So youre looking at Amandas house, in the center of the derby fires wake of destruction. It lived. But just barely. The neighbors house gone. The shed which you can see, gone. The siding, intact. Horseshoes, intact. Birdfeeder, toast. But this is just the begining of rafter chicks I know that are funny...

As I crack another tasty beverage I wander into the depths of thought that bewilder myself on numerous occasions. Daily to be more precise. More like daymares and the like. Por Ejemplo: Sitting in traffic and dreaming of running away from a deer and getting pulverized by it. Actually it all happened underneath. I crawled under this car (now its 3 rafter chicks I know) to get away as it did this marvelous baseball slide under the car and got stuck, freaking out, it proceeds to kick the living shit out of my face and chest, whilist underneath the vehicular unit.

I said "unit"

That comes from a lady that guided this summer with mua and was chased by moose to the top of her car escaping death by millimeters. Shes a good guide too.

Amanda on the other hand had the most hillarious dismount from an inflateable kayak I have ever seen. Amidst the surfing, the duckie catches the foam pile and gravatationaly speeds down the face. Upon impact with the trough, she simply did a butt scoot right out the front of the boat into a massive face plant with the oncoming whitewater. Awesome. Memory stored...

But then theres Cassia. Im in Big Sky and shes serving me breakfast with the other guides. Im hungover and retarded and in poor shape. But I recognise her from somewhere? Where? It turns out that we had michiladas in a crappy hostel in Nicaragua. And so I ask Bob, who was there too, huh? He confirms because he was right next to me. He and the other guides tell me story: She came from guiding on a BIG river and had these awesome skills apparently... What they dont teach you on big rivers is reading currents that are smaller than the gulf stream and... Well her first trip down the Gallatin, in the slow and go, she almost took out a fisherman in the first 15 minutes. I guess she screamed something like heads up and the dude just hopped in the raft and I Quote, "I wanted to go downstream anyway, the fishing right here was slow".

Whoa

Miles Per Gallon...

I dont know where to begin? Lets start with the drive to SF:

45mph, pedal to the metal, dust storm 60 miles away, sucking gas, engine redlined and whining, going downhill. How else do you describe the worst headwind ever? CD skipping. Too hot or too cold. Right ass cheek numb. Bracing the wheel to the right. WTF?

I get to the house and my body is shaking from lack of food and water and stress and BEHOLD!!! I find cookies in the freezer! and beer in the fridge and a cooler full of Old Style thats a year or more old in the garage. WOW. And then I passed out.


Driving into Texas...yeah I said Texas... was unreal. It was like driving into Nebraska but with less cops, more gas stations and way better gas mileage. The van automatically increased a phenomonal 4-5 mpg after crossing the state line. I got an extra 100 miles out of a tank of gas, which is weird, frankly.

What the fuck was I thinking? I brought the mountain bike. I shoulda brought the motorbike! With a gas station every 30 miles its the most moto friendy state Ive been to yet. And actually the people so far are awesome if not completely full of themselves, which is funny in its own way. Not to forget the highest Walmart per square mile density in the US.


The job, the location, the life:
Weatherford, west of Fort Worth. GIS Tech for a shit load of money helping those out of the know get in the know. Oil Exploration. Interesting for about 8.3 minutes. Unless your driving the exploration buggy. So I guess Im living in this dry hole for a month, driving 20 minutes to the next not-dry county for beer, suffering a bike ride to work everyday for 5 minutes. Though, if one were so inclined, one might buy a new car and pay cash. But we all know thats a bad idea. Though a dirt bike is a different story. And....

Suck it Trebek!...

Newwer and Improved...

So a lot of things are changing to the good and the bad and just different. Remember dont put maiyonaise in the toaster.

Last night I got back from Spokompton and Missoula, the race of death if you will. I wondered why the back end of the van felt so slidey as I pumped it up from half pressure...High speed, rain, wilderness to catch on fire when the silver ball of fire shoots into the forest... nevermind.

I got a sweet higher paying job than burgerking doing GIS for oil exploration...in TEXAS....DALLAS, oh shit what have I done. But I talked to a guy at the gas station from there and he said it was alright, so I leave tomorrow. The big remaining question is do I take the Kawasaki that runs or take the Suzuki that doesnt and fix it. I NEED ANSWERS!!! Please consider visiting your friend in beautiful Texas while you can!

Last night I put the new edition diet into effect for the GT, which now has its own special acronynm, Giant Turd. As much as I want it so be that lightweight sub twelve pound crosscountry bitch, it wont, nor handle jumps and drops that way either. So with the new lettuce shedding bladed spoke xride mavics, well, we lost a crappy broken wheel in the back and a heavy DH wheel in the front. I can back pedal and coast and stuff and it works, with no bent axle!!! Yeah

Suck it Trebek

If You Were in Trouble...

If you were deep doodoo and an ambulance showeed up with the jaws of life or a cup of orange juice and I crawled out and came over to help, would you:

1. smile, because you know everything is going to be ok AND funny

2.scream, bc death awaits in the hands of this complete moron

3. pass out, bc high speed bicycle and parked car dodging has to be more fun than a separated shoulder, and try again tomorrow

Fact of the matter is my EMT training started yesterday. In fact my instructor is from Grand Island of all places. I ran. He ran. Escape. He told me some crazy stories though from the christmas season 8 years in a row. Por ejemplo, every year on christmas or the day after, someone walked in front of train in Grand Island. How weird is that. And then it takes like 4 miles for a train to stop. Cleanup, aisle four!!

On yet another tangent I found the rubber grommets for the motorcycle fairing. Sorry dad. And I put the old XR plates on the Kawa bc those plates fell off between REd Lodge and Absarokee. That sucked. I talked to a guy at the shop who said his pipe fell off and he stopped immediately. He looked for three hours and never found it... hes still concerned about how weird that is. But thanks to mom the XR plates are valid for another year and the title is on its way to RL for a permanent reregister.

So if I wasnt legal before, Im definately not still. Murphys Law is something else. The mental psycho double fake is also interesting, as well is just plain lying to ones self.

On the flip side....

We Dont Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn...

So if you havent noticed yet, ye friends and family from far off places, Montana is on fire, and not just a little bit either. I woke this morning to a beautiful clear sky, preparing the neighbors' Vespa for its initial cruise to the DMV for my motorcycle endorsement test. No more that an hour later I surface from the depths and I cant see the benches or the mountains through the wafting haze of campfire. This one is close and its new and its really close, just up the West Fork road about 5 min from here. Montana is fucked. But this is what happens when the natural burn cycle of the forest is suppressed for so long. I hope we can start over.


My friends' homes were there, some still, some no longer. No worries though. We pay too much for insurance for things like this and its only material. Memmories have better color anyway. The point is that no one has been hurt yet and that is awesome. Theres engines and crews from all over the Northwest here to help so I can imagine the bar scene pretty rowdy near the fire camp.



check it out...

http://www.billingsgazette.net/articles/2006/09/06/news/state/20-derby_g.txt

Nothing but Trouble....

Ever wonder why I get in trouble? It all has to do with the little kids and their corruption. I will win and win over and over again. Even the kids without ages dont stand a chance!!









I offer advice for free too.

Kegerator...

So you may have not seen the original but the secondary is standing by. It rock and is actually already finished. So sad. No need for worry because the next awesome tub is on the way!!
If youre confused it because we used the classic trash can and ice and a CO2 cylinder with a bike stand holding the tap. I cant imagine a sweeter setup. Notice the $12000 of bike is the background, that's priorities!!

Happy Labor Day!!